Decisions are hard.

This week was really boring, through and through.
I've been thinking a lot about life and the future, what i'm going to do next year.
As Lara and I leaned on the counters, watching people shop who didn't desire our help, she asked me where I was going to go to college next year. Actually, a lot of people have been asking me that, and they're always surprised at my answer, as was Lara and Jason, when he heard. I answered that I'd only applied to Columbus State because I don't know if i'm going to be here next year, which is true, but it's not a family situation or just a random decision that came to me, it's something i've been working up to all year. When she asked where I was going I said either New York or Miami, hopefully, and why, I said to become a model.

Everyone's always really surprised to hear that. Then they cover their skepticism and doubtfulness saying something like, oh, yes you should... etc. Honestly, it's a little terrifying, and I don't know if I'm ready to move away from home, but being ready isn't the issue. I have to take the oppertunity if it comes, and it looks like it's finally coming. Sometimes people ask me if I am just branching off on my own and expecting i'll make it, but i'm not that silly or unplanned. I understand very well that moves like this require a lot of thought and saving. Because of Mad4Mod, school, and working out, there's hardly time to get a well paying job, but i'm still looking in the hopes of finding one good enough. I've opened a savings account at National City and I already have someone i'm supposed to contact after my graduation who wants to manage me and take me to New York, hopefully, if any of his contacts there respond.

Sometimes I get sad thinking about it. I just got into a serious relationship again, right after my last move broke up the one thing I thought was forever, and i'm moving. I just forged the closest friendship i've ever had with a friend that's always been there but never been this close to me, and now I have to leave her behind. It's these thoughts that keep me up at night, close to tears, and hugging the sheets to my chest. I know I can't stay behind in Ohio because i'd regret the decision forever, and you honestly can't become a famous model in Columbus, no matter how much i'd like it. New York is the place in which modeling is a competition and a career- all serious models end up there at least once. I just wish I could bundle up all my friends, and family in a big blanket and take them with me. But I can't.


Decisions, decisions.