Who Am I?

I was pondering this the other day. The sun was shining and my toes curled in the delight of its warmth on my face. The wind was blowing my hair away from my eyes, which sought out the squirrel who was just then climbing the tree i'd grown up with. If there had been time, I would have followed. There are many memories in that tree; hide and seek, tears of joy and tears of sadness, hiding from my mother after a particularly bad fight, escaping from life to talk to the sky, hoping it would listen... I wondered if this tree would mean something like that to the future owners of the house, or if it already had.

Today, though, was no time for escaping. It was a time for facing. Facing that particularly hard question: who am I? I am obviously not the little girl with skinned knees, pink cheeks and tangles in her hair, whose voice hushed the cabin of girls at camp to listen to stories, and who fell into tears for being picked on so much. I am not the angst ridden teen who wore black, black and more black to hide herself away, who let herself be chastised and ridiculed, all the while sinking deeper into herself and shutting everyone else out. I am not the selfish, immature girl I finally grew out of, who thrived off the sudden attention from boys and girls alike, and then became obsessed by it. No, i'm not any of these. But then, who am I? [Besides the girl with the huge smile and sparkly pants, that is... c: ]

I am Elisabeth Marie Heffernan, daughter of Helen Elisabeth Dunleavy and John Cullen Heffernan. I am Julie McElwain's best friend, and am engaged in a constant love/hate/mostly love battle with my younger sister Alexia. I am the wistful girl who you can find staring at the sky, and you might wonder 'what is she thinking about that makes her look so sad?' But I am also the girl who will speed walk down High St., her legs pounding and her hips swinging in time to the music. I listen sympathetically when you are crying, and make funny faces at girls who are giving you the evil eye. Sometimes, I am crazy, and I will feel close to breaking, my whole body and soul trembling with the sudden swing of darkness. Then other times, you will see me out of the corner of your eye, and I will be stifling a giggle because I've thought of something funny but I'm half concerned/half not, that people will see me laughing all by myself and think i'm a little crazy.

I believe in the impossible, and question science instead of stories.

I am open minded and always armed with a smile, just in case I need it.

I am shy, but I will also go up to someone on the edge of the dance floor, who's looking uncomfortable and nerdy and alone, and ask him to dance.

So, while that doesn't totally answer the question, I think it answers some.
















[Gary is my artist friend in St.Augustine. He's the one on the trash can. I made friends with a lot of the 'bums'. Some of them are actually pretty insightful, ya.]